The Little Book of Big Excuses

The ultimate compendium of strategems for all excuse-meisters who want to weasel out and slack-off with impunity    

Nobody ever said being an adult was easy. But it's easier with The Little Book of Big Excuses, with hundreds of excuses for things you did, things you didn't do, things you did wrong, and things you never want to hear about again. First things first: "Fake Don't Flake." Here are your excuses for being late for or not showing up to any number of places for any number of reasons: grandma's birthday party, work, home, weddings, dentists appointments.

"Excusez-Moi, si'l vous plait" is where to look when you're caught wearing a halter top to a black tie event. Or forget your boss's spouse's name—again. Or don't want to pick up the tab. The French have a word for everything.

If you need to learn how to say "I'd Love to, but"—the art of articulating just why you can't do most anything you don't want to do—-in any language, this is the book for you. Demonstrate your incompetence. When someone asks you to bring those complicated hors d'oeuvres, show up half an hour late with half the ingredients. Bonus section here: how to get someone else to do all the work while you still get the credit.

"Delivery Subsystem Failure—Mailboxes, Messages, Missives Gone Awry, Oh My!" provides every excuse for not writing, calling, IMing, or emailing. Fake communication breakdowns make fail-safe excuses for a myriad of don't wannas and didn't do its.

"All's Fair in Love" contains excuses for not calling, not going on the second date, forgetting the birthday or anniversary of the one you love. Plus how to retreat with remorse, even from the altar steps. Hint: You could have your mother or your manager phone it in. That's what Julia Roberts did.

Life is serious business, people, so pay attention. Let Addie help you off the hook.