Luscious Chocolate Smoothies

the blue danube

yield: 4 cups

2 cups plain low-fat soy milk
2 bananas, in chunks
1 cup blueberries
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder
1 scoop vanilla ice cream (soy or dairy)

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on low for 1 minute.
2. Pour into tall glasses and serve.
3. Enjoy looking at one another's blue tongues.

per cup: Calories 114; Protein 3 g; Total Fat 2 g; Saturated Fat 0 g; Carbohydrate 25 g; Cholesterol 0 mg

the sweetie

yield: 4 cups

2 cups orange juice
1 banana, in chunks
½ cup raspberries
½ cup blueberries
½ cup guava slices
½ cup mango slices
1 tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on high for 1 minute.
2. Pour into clear glasses and serve the reddish-brown glow.

per cup: Calories 124; Protein 2 g; Total Fat 1 g; Saturated Fat 0 g; Carbohydrate 30 g; Cholesterol 0 mg

chocolate is better than sex because…

You can get chocolate anytime you want it.

Good chocolate is easy to find.

You don't have to beg for chocolate.

With chocolate, you don't have to fake satisfaction.

You can safely have chocolate while driving.

You can have chocolate any time of the month.

You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

You can have chocolate all weekend and still walk okay on Monday.

Chocolate satisfies, even when it has gone soft.

Chocolate doesn't keep you awake talking afterward.

With chocolate, size doesn't matter; it's always good.

You are never too old or too young for chocolate.

You can ask a stranger for chocolate and not get your face slapped.

You can have chocolate in front of your mother.

When you have chocolate, it does not keep your neighbors awake.

Chocolate can make sex better, but sex doesn't improve chocolate.

You can have more than one chocolate at the same time.

The best reason—chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

the drinking fountain

yield: 3½ cups

1 cup orange juice
1 tablespoon brown rice syrup
1 banana, in chunks
½ cup grapefruit juice
1 8-ounce can crushed pineapple, undrained
1¼ cups (10 ounces) soft silken tofu
2 tablespoons pickled ginger, drained
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
2 tablespoons raisins

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on high for 1 minute.
2. Pour into large, curved palm leaves or drinking utensils and serve naked. (You can leave your hat on.)

per cup: Calories 203; Protein 6 g; Total Fat 3 g; Saturated Fat 1 g; Carbohydrate 41 g; Cholesterol 0 mg

the nutty professor

yield: 4 cups

2 cups plain almond milk
1 banana, in chunks
¼ cup chopped walnuts
¼ cup cashew bits
¼ cup sliced almonds
¼ cup peanuts
4 ounces milk chocolate, melted

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on high for 2 minutes.
2. Pour into glasses and serve to all your nutty family, friends, and/or lover.

per cup: Calories 361; Protein 6 g; Total Fat 25 g; Saturated Fat 8 g; Carbohydrate 34 g; Cholesterol 6 mg

this chocolate life

Love comes and love goes, but chocolate is always around the corner.

Some people are semisweet, some are bitter, others are just plain nutty.

A new car costs thousands; a new home hundreds of thousands. A trip out of the country can break your savings account. Chocolate costs only a few dollars a day.

A chocolate smoothie a day keeps the psychiatrist away.

Flowers and champagne may set the stage, but it's chocolate that steals the show.

Don't cry over spilled milk, unless it's chocolate.

Chocolate will never abandon you for another mate, doesn't cheat, lie, or leave its clothes on the floor.

Milk chocolate… for all it's worth.

Chocolate, like love, is an addiction that you don't want to live without.

caramel-apple harem

yield: 6 cups

2 cups plain low-fat soy milk
1 large banana, in chunks
½ cup chopped walnuts
1 apple, peeled, cored, and diced
1 cup caramel ice-cream topping
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on medium for 90 seconds.
2. Pour into tall pottery glasses and serve while riding on your camel.

per cup: Calories 503; Protein 8 g; Total Fat 20 g; Saturated Fat 8 g; Carbohydrate 75 g; Cholesterol 2 mg

chocolate carrot cake dream

yield: 4 cups

2 cups carrot juice
1 12-ounce package soft silken tofu
1 tablespoon chocolate syrup
1 tablespoon pure maple syrup
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon, plus additional for sprinkling
1 banana, in chunks
½ cup plain almond milk
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted

1. Place all ingredients, except chocolate, in a blender and mix on medium for 1 minute; add chocolate and mix for 20 seconds more.
2. Pour into short, wide coffee cups, add a sprinkle of cinnamon on top, and serve as a healthy dessert.

per cup: Calories 287; Protein 7 g; Total Fat 12 g; Saturated Fat 6 g; Carbohydrate 38 g; Cholesterol 0 mg

the gospel truth

A lost clip from the movie Casablanca revealed that Humphrey Bogart actually said to Ingrid Bergman, “Here's looking at your chocolates, kid.”

Chocolate smoothies don't make the world go around, but they sure make the trip worthwhile.

Shakespeare originally thought of the line “Romeo, oh Romeo, where for art thou chocolates?”

In the beginning, the Lord created chocolate and He saw that it was good. Then he separated the light from the dark and it was better.

Forget love—I'd rather fall in chocolate.

Janis Joplin recorded an alternative version of her famous song that says: “O Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes-Benz, My friends all have chocolates, I must make amends.”

to your chocolate health

yield: 5 cups

2 cups chocolate low-fat soy or dairy milk
2 bananas, in chunks
1 pint strawberry-kiwi sorbet
1 teaspoon echinacea-goldenseal extract
6 tablespoons chocolate syrup

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on medium for 1 minute.
2. Pour into tall glasses and serve this delicious immune system builder.

per cup: Calories 216; Protein 4 g; Total Fat 1 g; Saturated Fat 0 g; Carbohydrate 50 g; Cholesterol 0 mg

pumpkin pie

yield: 5 cups

2 cups low-fat chocolate soy or dairy milk
1 banana, in chunks
1 12-ounce package soft silken tofu
15 ounces pumpkin puree (fresh or canned)
4 ounces bittersweet dark chocolate, melted
Whipped cream (optional)

1. Place all ingredients in blender and mix on high for 2 minutes.
2. Pour into wide-mouthed cups and if desired, top each with a dollop of whipped cream.

per cup: Calories 257; Protein 8 g; Total Fat 8 g; Saturated Fat 4 g; Carbohydrate 45 g; Cholesterol 0 mg

rich and famous

yield: 4½ cups

2 cups low-fat buttermilk
2 bananas, in chunks
1 teaspoon egg substitute mixed with 2 tablespoons water or 1 egg (see pages xi–xii)
2 tablespoons chocolate syrup
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on medium for 1 minute.
2. Pour into expensive tall glasses, serve, and enjoy the riches.

per cup: Calories 404; Protein 9 g; Total Fat 19 g; Saturated Fat 11 g; Carbohydrate 51 g; Cholesterol 22 mg

love potion

yield: 4 cups

1 cup chocolate low-fat soy milk
1 banana, in chunks
1 teaspoon tequila
¼ teaspoon árbol chile powder
6 ounces bittersweet chocolate, melted

1. Place all ingredients in a blender and mix on medium for 1 minute.
2. Pour this love potion into tall, sensual glasses and serve to someone who lights your fire.

per cup: Calories 296; Protein 4 g; Total Fat 15 g; Saturated Fat 9 g; Carbohydrate 36 g; Cholesterol 2 mg